“I always find beauty in things that are odd and imperfect- they are much more interesting” -Marc Jacobs
Within these 26 years of living, I know I have grown, taken a step back, failed, succeeded, and matured through the endeavours I have gone through. Each chapter I have started is filled with the highs and lows of self growth, and by the end of the last page, with the word fin in place, there was always a lesson and afterthought of what made me during that particular time of my life. All this? Led to me discovering the saying Wabi-Sabi.
Now hold up, I did not just find this word out of curiosity. Erik Anders Lang, the creator of Adventures In Golf, brought up the saying Wabi-Sabi on his Instagram story. Initially I thought it was one of those -isms we create for ourselves, but then when he posted the meaning of it, it truly resonated with me. This was a saying I have learned to embrace and live by, prior to knowing it even existed. Who would have thunk it? The motto I live by, which I explain in several sentences, is nothing but just two words. Talk about an epiphany!
Wabi-Sabi… the definition of this word is broken into two. Originating from Japan, Wabi is known as rustic simplicity, and Sabi is defined as taking pleasure in the imperfect. When you put two and two together, it brings a whole different meaning of living your life. Mike Sturm, who is a writer for Medium explains what Wabi-Sabi is and said, “Embracing wabi-sabi, is as easy (or as difficult) as understanding and accepting yourself-imperfections and all. It’s about being compassionate with yourself as you are, and building on whatever that is- not feverishly trying to rebuild yourself in order to pose as something else entirely.” In simple form, or as I would like to see it, it is the ability to embrace life with all of our imperfections. For anyone who knows me, they always know I would say, “It’s all good. You gotta laugh at some point in the situation and look at the positive part of it.” All those times I have said these words, it was basically me embodying Wabi-Sabi in my life. What a way to blow my mind, and before I move forward in this post, I want to thank Erik Anders Lang for introducing the word to me. Now I can go ahead and spread the meaning of living life to the fullest with just two words!
Looking back, I could say Wabi-Sabi first appeared in my life during my final year of college. I was going through a rough patch, and my golf coach in college gave me the best advice I never thought would later be known as Wabi-Sabi. It was these five words that lifted the burden off my shoulders. “Learn to let it go.” Having anger and frustration be bottled up is the worst prescription for resolving conflict. I took the courage of telling myself, “You know what? Is it honestly worth it to be this angry?” Ever since then, I have taken every stride in life with a hint of positivity, even when the world decides to throw a curveball. Now the trait of Wabi-Sabi truly presented itself even more when I went through a chapter of my life by being a primary caregiver for my brother during his cancer treatments, while still attending school. There were times during this chapter I felt like those memes of where things were blowing up behind me, and yet I was walking out with my head held high. The sense of my whole world crashing down, but knew I could lift the middle finger up to the chaos unfolding in my life, and still have a smile on my face from any positivity that came my way was a feeling of all sorts. I guess Wabi-Sabi gave me a coping mechanism to walk through my life, which was filled with so much adversity, and yet still had the power to be strong and positive. I’ve had people look at me and wonder, how it was even remotely possible for me to still smile, joke, and be happy, when my life was in total anarchy. Trust me, there were times, it was absolutely grim. I had days where sitting and crying in the shower in solitude was the only way to calm myself down. Regardless of all the coping mechanisms from multiple breakdowns, there was one thing which pushed me to keep moving during this particular adversity in my life, and it was when my late brother said, “Tin, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made it this far. You kept me going.” I knew that was my rustic simplicity in embracing the imperfections of my current state. It was my Wabi-Sabi at that time to keep moving forward despite all misfortunes. Till today, I still think it is. Sure it sucked having to deal with so much at one go, and be alone for it for that matter, but what is life without a few kicks in the gut to get us going right? Our lives would just be a blank piece of canvas with no character, color, and dents that make us, well… Us.
Now, the form of living with Wabi-Sabi was natural to me during my time in the United States. I guess the empathy and understanding of people were somewhat of acceptable traits a good majority of individuals had in that country. I loved it. Even with squabbles and bickering over issues of today’s world, we always met in the middle and always agreed to disagree, when time of help is needed. As of today I am currently back in Malaysia, and let’s just say the trait of Wabi-Sabi is not really one to be shown or understood among people here. I may be wrong… Who knows? Anywho, from what I have experienced, I think it’s the implementation of restriction and facing dire consequences for a small wrongdoing are what suppresses the ability for an individual to embrace adversities as a form of living their lives in full bloom. It seems to me if I were to bring up talks on certain issues we all face as a society, people tend to recuse themselves, and digress to a different topic. The fear of embracing these issues, might seem detrimental to their social lifeline. If these little general discussions make a person feel on edge, I could not imagine them facing their adversities to better themselves. But you know what? Little did I know I would find Wabi-Sabi in an individual I would least bring up social topics with. It truly opened my heart to understanding and listening more.
This individual is my uncle who I fondly call Pak Cik Fauzi. The man hails from Kedah, therefore frequent visits were never in the picture unless the family made their way down to Kuala Lumpur. Sure, he is family, but conversations were never a thing between the both of us. I guess the distance and my absence of being abroad created the relationship between the two of us as just a hi and a bye. It was from a recent trip back up North to visit my cousin who’s fighting cancer, who so happens to be his daughter, is what brought a whole new light into our relationship as uncle and niece. I remember it clearly. We were sitting in his living room, together with my mother, cousin, my aunts, and uncles. They were all conversing among themselves and Pak Cik Fauzi decided to ask me a question.
“Fatin sekarang buat apa?” He asked. (So what are you doing now?)
I looked at him with a hesitant look fearing judgement as it has been a struggle for me to find a job, and be accepted in Malaysia’s society.
“Sekarang Fatin tengah buat benda sendiri sebab tak dapat cari kerja.” I replied. (Right now I am currently doing my own thing, because it has been tough for me to find a job.)
Thoughts were racing through my mind as I waited for his response. It was the unsettling feeling of being judged or questioned for the lack of perseverance in finding a job and getting an honest wage to fend for myself. I tapped my fingers away on the couch and it was brought to an abrupt end by the answer Pak Cik Fauzi gave to me.
“Pak Cik faham. Memang susah sekarang.” He responded. (I understand. It really is tough now a days)
It took me a minute to process his response. Usually the answers I would get from people are mostly demeaning and outright condescending, whenever I say it has been tough to get a job back in Malaysia due to my demeanor and straight shooter attitude. They would say I should change my attitude and be more of a Malaysian. But pardon me, being polite, and professional for any job application is a universal language which is to be practiced around the world. So do excuse me if I do not understand and miss the memo of the MALAYSIAN way of applying for a job, or the way I speak is not MALAYSIAN enough. I know I should stick to principles that I believe are right. Life is not meant to cater your soul to a job, and change who you are completely just for a piece of cheque at the end of the month. It was a slight breath of fresh air, and an opened door of opportunity to talk about how I felt. I looked at him and took a breath before jumping into the deep end of all intellectual conversations.
“Fatin cuba semua. Selepas diorang tengok resume, dan nampak kita pergi luar negara untuk belajar, terus tak mau dah. Depa bagi muka sindir, dan terus reject. Tak faham kenapa sampai macam tu.” I said. (I tried everything. After they looked at my resume and saw that I went to the US and graduated from there, they rejected me at that very moment. I do not understand why it has become this way.)
He looked at me with a sad look and knew what I was going through. Little did I know, he used to be a student counsellor. The man was the right person for me to seek guidance and understanding.
“Pak Cik faham. Masa pak cik masih mengajar, pak cik selalu bagitau semua budak-budak, jangan dok pikir satu jalan je. Kita tak tau masa habis sekolah, dapat ijazah jadi doktor, tapi tak dapat kerja. Macam mana? Mesti cari jalan, mesti try semua. Jangan dok kisah hat buat satu benda ja. Dunia ni, kita mana tau semua kita nak akan terjadi. Kalau tak dapat apa kita nak, jangan give up. Cari jalan. Jangan putus asa. Buat apa kita suka. Jangan buat kerja kita rasa tak seronok. Tu penting.” He said. (I understand. When I was still teaching, I would always advise my kids to not think about just one road. You never know. You could study hard, gain your degree, wish to be a doctor, but could not get a job. So now what? You always have to find a way, and try everything while you are still young. Do not just think of one thing only. In this world, not everything goes as we plan it to be. If we do not get what we want, we should not give up. Find a way. Do what makes us happy because we must love our work. That is important.)
Our conversation went on for a solid hour uninterrupted. I felt a huge weight lifted off my chest as I poured my heart out with all the frustration, anger, and disappointment I harbored from the rejection, discrimination, and outright prejudism. He truly gave me a bigger and brighter perspective on viewing life. This man was the definition of Wabi-Sabi. I could not believe it as I looked back at this conversation. He viewed the imperfections of an individual’s life, and asked us to make the best of it by pushing forward. It was a surreal moment, knowing I was riding the same wave as my uncle who I would least expect to. It was refreshing and downright amazing to have a full blown conversation of embracing adversities and looking at the bigger picture. Who would have thunk it, my own family member walking through life with a Wabi-Sabi mentality. We both faced and are currently facing adversities of having a loved one go through cancer. I guess you could say it changes you for the better in looking at life differently.
Prior to this conversation, and what I am currently working on, I sensed all the hard work I had put in to achieve what I needed felt like absolute rubbish from the countless rejections and judgments spewed at me. It seemed my ten years of working my way up to learn and gain experience was all for nothing. It was and has been heartbreaking. A six month ride on the sulk train after coming back from the United States, drained my motivation tank dry. Optimism and eagerness looked more like distant traits as I rode the lull of the self-degrading track. It was then I realized it was time to get off this Debbie-downer locomotive, and took the quote by Jake Baker out of the Cheaper by The Dozen film, “Chin up! Charge the mountain!” to get my gears fired up to do something for myself. Sure I may not be making money instantly, but at least I’m not slouching away at a job where I do not love or feel unwelcomed. As my dear friend Lou Skovron would say, “I would rather love going to work, than hate going to work.” Well Lou, that is exactly what I am doing now, and I am not looking back.
The point of me writing this is to say it is okay to have a few setbacks. We have a right to be mad, upset, and sob till our eyes puff up. Just be sure to dry those tears up and think about working through it with the positive vibes you still have in your life. Sure it’s hard. Nothing ever comes easy, but the beauty beyond the sorrow we all will face at some point is something worth fighting for. Embrace the Wabi-Sabi that has been given to you, and learn to let go of all the hate and angst, because it is never worth it to dwell and ponder on negative traits. Look at all the pessimism, give it the middle finger, and say, “You ain’t getting me this time.”
World Footprint 
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